Guest blogs are welcome. Indeed encouraged! Nothing libelous please. Satire is greatly appreciated!

 Thanks to all of you that have shared the jokes and photos. Keep 'em coming!

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November 14, 2011

Where are they now file: Jimmer Frerdette

September 28, 2011

A glimpse inside the mind of a typical Zoobie

I found this gem on Cougarboard.

This past fast Sunday, I abstained from all physical temptation, including food, drink, television, gum, brushing my teeth and Settlers of Catan. In preparation to break my fast, I went into my closet and knelt down on two knees, without leaning on anything, to make a prayer seventy times seven minutes long. As I was praying, I received a vision of a time yet to come:

In it, I was standing in the Celestial Football Hall of Fame at BYU-Kolob. Masses thronged about me, clamoring to see the great ones honored there. . .Sheide, Young, Beck , The LaVell, among the thousands of others. Many were reminiscing of stories surrounding the quarterbacks of their era. Those living in the times of McMahon, Bosco, Detmer, rightly had people's rapt attention. An old man from the seasons of Virgil Carter turned to me and with a sparkle of friendship in his eye inquired as to who had been the leader of the Lord's football team while I had been alive. In a quiet voice I stated that I had been alive during the time of Heaps, Hill and Mangum. A deep hush fell over the multitude and every face turned to me. One woman finally asked, "Before the Junior and Senior experience came, was it hard not to be discouraged?" I replied, "They never said that difficult games with a young quarterback would be easy, but it would be worth it."

Then I was carried through the crowd by Cosmo and left alone on a green field. As I looked forward, I could see the "blue zone" and behind me a trail of cleat divots. "Why is it that I only see one set of divots between the 20s?" I questioned aloud.
The answer came softly but boldy, as if the entire defense and special teams were whispering to every fiber of my being, "Those are the times that we carried you."

I'm not sure where it is in the scriptures or what prophet said it in what year's general conference, but it is gospel truth that true BYU football fans were generals in the war in heaven. They were never BYU outsiders, because it wouldn't have even been a test for them. They would have known BYU football is true."

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September 21, 2011

The Heapsman Trophy

September 19, 2011

Two funny things about this photo, 1. It's in Provo. 2. It was there prior to kick off.

September 18, 2011

September 18, 2011

I am still speechless. All I can say is SCOREBOARD!

September 12,, 2011

National Title Hopes Crushed

Only two games into the season and BYU's fans annual delusion of a National Championshiphave come to an end with 17-16 loss to the University of Texas. Of course this doesn't stop many BYU faithful from predicting that the Zoobs will run the table and get an invitaion to a BCS bowl game. Through two games with opponants with a combined 2010 record of 9-14, the "high powered" BYU has managed to score only two (2) offensive touchdowns.

October 30,, 2011

Disturbing on so many levels

BYU Safety Daniel Sorensen had this to say to the Provo Daily Herald:

"What if we go out there and dominate (at Ole Miss, Sept. 3) and people start seeing us? And they put us on the map, and we're on ESPN. And they start wondering who these kids are — what are they doing with their lives, and why are they so good? And maybe a bunch of white boys out there go down and beat up on an SEC team, a big, physical team like (Ole Miss). If we go in there and dominate, what does that say? It starts raising questions and curiosity.”

I almost have to give him props. How many people can fit religious superiority and racism into such a short quote?

Jack

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January 12, 2011

Has anyone ever seen Jimmer and Frodo at the same place at the same time?

December 20, 2010                                                                               Combined Wire/Opinion

Bishop Mendehall fires entire Offensive Coaching Staff

http://www.deseretnews.com/article/700093481/BYU-football-Offensive-staff-encouraged-to-seek-other-employment.html

PROVO — BYU's offensive coaches were asked to seek other employment while head coach Bronco Mendenhall conducts individual staff evaluations in the coming days to see which assistant coaches he will retain.The Deseret News learned this action took place this morning and it has been confirmed by several valued sources. BYU's athletic department has not responded to a request for an official confirmation of the move.The offensive staff is comprised of offensive coordinator Robert Anae; assistant head coach and running backs coach Lance Reynolds; offensive line coach Mark Weber; wide receivers coach Patrick Higgins; and quarterback coach Brandon Doman...

After a disappointing season, evidently Bronco has decided to shoulder none of the responsibility himself, Keep in mind that this is the same offensive coaching staff that has lead BYU to four straight ten win seasons. This follows the firing of non-LDS and non-Caucasian Defensive Coordinator Jamie Hill following Utah State's ass whooping of the Coogars in October. That makes over half of the coaching staff given their walking papers only a few days before Christmas, Band of Brothers indeed!!

Jack

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December 19, 2010

BYU doesn't lose it's final game

BYU finished their season with a victory in the prestigious New Mexico Bowl to finish the season with five wins and EIGHT losses. Eight victories short of an undefeated season. I know what some of you are thinking, Didn't they only have six losses? To you I say, this site isn't about being fair or complimentary to BYU. I am not giving them credit for the The victory that was handed to them in the "replay booth gate" game against San Diego State game or the blown pass interference call in the end zone with time running out against Wyoming. I alone am the sole arbiter of of records on this site. While BYU fans are giddy, they should put things in perspective. They beat a UTEP team that finished the season losing seven games in a row. Yes, you read that right, seven in a row!!

Jack

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December 5, 2010

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November 27, 2010

""When you're doing what's right, on and off the field, the Lord steps in and plays a part."..."Magic Happens."

Accepting the above as fact, I guess that gives us a pretty good idea exactly who has been doing what's right. Thus saith the Lord! Congradulations Utes!

Jack

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November 26, 2010

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November 22, 2010

BYU Fan Flowchart

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November 18, 2010

Has anyone ever seen noticed the uncanny resemblence between Dave Rose and the Bat Child?

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November 12, 2010

From the where are they now file.

"2 ex-BYU football players — including Reno Mahe — and 3 others named in lawsuit claiming stolen gas

http://www.deseretnews.com/article/700081176/2-ex-BYU-football-players-2-including-Reno-Mahe-2-and-3-others-named-in-lawsuit-claiming-stolen-gas.html

MURRAY — Two former BYU football players have been named along with three others in a civil lawsuit accusing them of stealing more than $50,000 worth of gas from a Murray company since 2004.

But one of the defendants named in the suit, former BYU standout and NFL player Reno Mahe, wasn't even aware that he was being accused of doing something wrong until contacted by the Deseret News.

"I thought you were allowed to do it," he said. "I didn't steal no gas. I don't need gas."

Sure you didn't Junior......

On a side note, former BYU player Lenny Gomes once famously said "the Utes will be pumping our gas." Which begs the question, how are the Utes supposed to pump the Coogar's gas if they keep stealing it?

Jack

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November 9, 2010

November 2, 2010

ScrewtheY.com website attacked

Last week ScrewtheY.com was the target of a distributed denial of service attack (DDOS.) As a result the website was crashed for a large portion of the day on Thursday and Friday as were several hundred other websites that were unfourtunatly residing on the same server.

I find it amazing the lenths that some folks will go to keep people from visiting a BYU humor site, including commiting felonies in violation of federal law. Stoopid thin skinned Zoobies.

Jack

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October 19, 2010 

October 19, 2010 

BYU football: O'Neill Chambers suspended for season

" PROVO — BYU junior wide receiver and kick return specialist O'Neill Chambers has been suspended indefinitely for disciplinary reasons and won't play or practice with the team for the remainder of the season, coach Bronco Mendenhall announced Monday night."

http://www.deseretnews.com/article/700074612/BYU-football-ONeill-Chambers-suspended-for-season.html

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October 19, 2010 

TCU 31-Zobbies 3

In yet another rout, TCU easily handed BYU it’s fifth loss of the season. Lead by the new generation of greats at ”quarterback U,” BYU managed only 147 yards of total offense.  The” freshman phenom ,” Jake Heaps completed 14 passes on 30 attempts, averaging three yards per completion, for a whopping 91 yards with two interceptions and ZERO touchdowns.

BYU’s scoring offense is rated 115 out of 120 Division 1 football teams, joining elite teams winless teams like New Mexico, New Mexico State and San Jose State. Wait, It gets even better. BYU now ranks 119 out of 120 teams in the country in passing efficiency!

If not for the shenanigans in the BYU employee dominated replay booth at the San Diego State game, which is now under investigation by the Mountain West Conference, this would have been the one true school’s sixth loss in a row.

Jack

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October 14, 2010                              Satire

Bronco Mendenhall fires video booth coordinator.

ScrewtheY.com has learned that BYU Head Football Coach, Bronco Mendenhall has fired BYU video booth coordinator Chad Bunn. Bunn, one of three replay officials suspended by the Mountain West Conference yesterday for failing to overturn a call on an obvious fumble by BYU running back JJ Di Luigi, that was recovered by San Diego State. Because of the botched call, BYU retained possession and scored what would turn out to be the winning touchdown five plays later.

Mendenhall praised Bunn stating "We were in a dog fight and Chad was in the right place at the right time to affect the outcome of this game. He came through for us big time!" Following the the three point victory, Mendenhall awarded Bunn the game ball, naming him the game's "official" MVP, adding "He clearly saved us the humiliation of losing five games in a row."

Mendenhall announced that in addition to his responsibilities as the Cougars Head Coach and Defensive Coordinator, he will now add replay official to his list of duties. "Let's face it" said Mendenhall, "I'm overrated as both a Head Coach and a Defensive Coordinator. I have determined that the place that I can best help this team win games is in the replay booth."

The BYU Head Coach is known for using Book of Mormon hero Captain Moroni as a motivational tool for his players. For those unfamiliar with LDS doctrine, Moroni is celebrated for leading the Nephites to victory over the Lamanites at the Battle of Jershon. Although Zoromite odds makers gave a slight edge to the Lamanites, Moroni was able to rally his troops to triumph in a closely fought battle. Pining about how today's technology may have increased Moroni's chances, Bronco said "Can you imagine the ass whooping he would have laid on those Godless heathens had the battle's outcome been determined by video replay?"

Mendenhall concluded his comments by praising Bunn for his inspirational video "Why we cheer for BYU." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCbuU14cB_c

Jack

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October 14, 2010

BYU employee among three replay staffers suspended

Replay booth botched missed fumble call in SDSU game

signonsandiego.com

By Kevin Gemmell and Brent Schrotenboer

"A Brigham Young University athletic department employee was one of the three replay booth staffers who were suspended for botching a crucial replay review in San Diego State’s loss last week at BYU."

"All three were suspended for one game after failing to overturn an obvious and crucial missed fumble call in BYU’s 24-21 win."

"A spokesman for the Mountain West Conference said he couldn’t immediately provide an answer on what the league’s policy is regarding university employees being allowed to work for the league in the replay booth of a game involving their teams. At the least, it’s not standard practice. For example, SDSU employees are not used to staff the three-man replay booth in SDSU games in San Diego, a SDSU spokesman said."

"The controversy happened after BYU running back JJ Di Luigi apparently fumbled the ball away Saturday in the third quarter. SDSU recovered it, and replays showed the ball come out of Di Luigi’s hands before his knee hit the ground. But officials on the field incorrectly ruled that the ball came out after the knee hit the ground and therefore it was not a fumble."

"SDSU head coach Brady Hoke challenged the on-field call, putting the play in the hands of the replay official. While viewers watching at home saw a clear fumble, the replay official ruled there wasn’t enough evidence to overturn the call. As a result, BYU retained possession instead of turning the ball over to SDSU. BYU scored a touchdown five plays later to go up 24-14 early in the fourth quarter."

http://www.signonsandiego.com/news/2010/oct/13/byu-employee-was-among-three-replay-staffers-suspe/

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October 13, 2010

BYU basketball player predicts undefeated season

Jackson Emery "we believe,looking at our schedule, we can go undefeated"

http://twitter.com/tksportsbeat

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October 12, 2010

Three replay officials suspended over missed SDSU call

From signonsandiego.com

"The three people who worked the official replay booth in San Diego State’s football game Saturday against Brigham Young University have been suspended for one game as a result of an obvious missed call. The missed call happened on an apparent BYU fumble in the third quarter and led to BYU’s 24-21 win in Provo, Utah."

"Hoke asked for a replay review of the play at the time in an attempt to overturn the ruling. While TV viewers saw a clear lost fumble on the replay, the replay officials did not and ruled there wasn’t enough evidence to overturn the call. So the ruling on the field stood and BYU kept the ball instead of turning it over to SDSU, which had recovered it."

"BYU then continued possession at the Aztecs’ 25-yard line and scored a touchdown five plays later for a 24-14 lead with 13:43 left in the game."

"Hoke also said officials blew a call late in the game when cornerback Jose Perez was flagged for pass interference on third down. The call gave BYU a first down and allowed them to run out the clock to end the game. Mountain West officials confirmed to Hoke that the flag never should have been thrown."

http://www.signonsandiego.com/news/2010/oct/12/three-replay-officials-suspended-over-missed-sdsu-/

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October 6, 2010

Courtesy of jasonlwright.com 

October 3, 2010

No Zoobie victory lap, err...thank you march this year

I wrote earlier that the byu football team did a victory lap around Romney Stadium after they won in Logan two years ago. I have been informed by byu fans that this was no victory lap, but rather a thank you march to show appreciation to their fans for showing up and supporting them. I was told that they do it after every game, home or away, win or lose. For some reason the tradition was forsaken after Friday night's game.

Several thousand byu fans showed up in Logan Friday night to support their team. They were very well behaved this year. Almost all tried to blend in by wearing Aggie blue, but for some reason their apparel was misprinted with an upside down A and a tail on the bottom. They must have been hand sewn by the sisters. They sat reverently the entire game with their arms folded, quiet as church mice. When the Zoobie faithful began to file out midway through the 4th quarter, at least one byu fan was heard loudly encouraging the Aggie crowd to celebrate the victory by consuming massive amounts of adult beverages followed by a night of romance with farm animals, (paraphrased of course.) What is it with Zoobies and their obsession with bestiality? Classy folks!

Congratulations to the Aggies on a 31-16 persecution of the Zoobies, handing the one true school their fourth consecutive defeat!

Jack

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Septe

mber 29, 2010

BYU fan reviews our website

"F**k you and your f**king piece of sh*t website!"

Edited for content.

Jack

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September 28, 2010

KFAN's Alema Harrington whynes about the Harvey shirt

http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/best-of-powerhouse-sep-28/id386096877?i=87800455

Jack

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September 27, 2010

Screw the Y debit card? Denied!

My bank, a well known Utah based bank, offers personalized credit and debit cards. You know the ones where you submit a photograph of your kitty or spouse and they print it on your card. So I figured what the hell and took a picture of the back of one of my shirts and submitted it for my personalized card. It was denied because it "doesn’t comply with our image guidelines." I wonder if the money changers at the said institution have an official college sports program that they endorse.

Jack

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September 26, 2010

The worst guests ever!

BYU will visit Utah State Friday night where hopefully the Aggies will hand them their fourth loss in a row. The last time the Zoobies visited Romney stadium they were most ungracious guests. On a perfectly clear evening, there was  the haze of “smug” over the stadium that day. 10 thousand plus Zoobie fans acting like zoobie fans. They brought their 150 member pep band which played during every break in the action, rarely giving the home team’s  band a chance to put horns to lips. Jan, “The Janimal” Jorgensen, laid a vicious hit on a defenseless  Aggie QB Diondre Borel a full five seconds after a play had been blown dead. He falsely claimed later to have been hit in the head with a bottle by a Utah State fan. It’s a shame he wasn’t.

After a 35-17 win, the BYU football team arrogantly proceeded to do a victory lap around Romney Stadium taunting the home team’s fans with several members of their team flipping the bird as they passed by the USU student section. Here’s hoping that Aggie fans remember and reciprocate in kind this year!

Jack Mormon

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September 24, 2010

QB sacrifices season to preserve Bishop Mendenhall's dignity

Guest contributer Helaman Hall Harry

This past Wednesday, while in the midst of leading the BYU football team in its annual Quest for Perfection as the "Starter" of two starting quarterbacks, Riley “Wounded Duck” Nelson announced that he has   been  encouraged to seek medical attention for a nagging injury that nobody had heard of until that day.  Nelson has suffered injuries to his left throwing shoulder in the past, but this is the first news of the “old”  right shoulder acting up. Nelson, many will remember, is a former Utah State quarterback who was "spirited" away from the Aggies by BYU while serving an LDS mission.

Surgery will preclude Nelson’s participation in the rest of the 2010 season and should effectively eliminate controversy over Coach Mendenhall’s struggling 2-quarterback system just before the fourth attempt. His perseverance with the system has been admirable since even 11-year-old Pop Warner players know that if you have two starting quarterbacks, you really don’t have any.

In related news, a press conference has been announced for 6:45 p.m. at Iggy’s Sports Grill in Orem, Utah this Friday night where it is believed that Jake “Dung” Heaps will choose from a selection of appetizers  and hats to announce the beginning of his career as the starting quarterback and that he will be leading the Cougars to the BCS National Championship.

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September 18, 2010

Congrats to Air Force for the 35-14 beat down of BYU last week. Today the Zoobs play at Florida State. Go 'Noles!

September 9, 2010

ScrewtheY.com College Campus Tour (sort of)

ScrewtheY.com is proud to be a sponsor of the X96 Radio from Hell's College Campus Tour. They will be broadcasting live from Utah State University on Monday, September 13 and the University of Utah on Friday, September 17. Screw the Y  T-shirts will be given away to the audience at both events. During the next two weeks, they will be visiting every institution of higher learning in the state of Utah, save one. Any guesses as to which one?

http://www.x96.com/Morning-Show---Radio-From-Hell/7808798

The Zoobs visit Air Force this Saturday. Come on Falcons, kick a little coogar kiester!

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September 4, 2010       opinion

Tabernacle Tech’s Scorched Earth Policy

Driven by jealousy over Utah’s PAC 10 invite, and a sense of entitlement, arrogance and greed, the Zoobies made a failed attempt to turn the Mountain West Conference into the Mountain Meadow Conference. Instead, they have left Western Athletic Conference decimated and hanging on by a thread. They simply couldn’t tolerate being perceived as being the state of Utah’s 2nd most prominent football program. This is the fourth time they have been involved in plans to weaken or destroy an athletic conference. The WAC twice.

Particularly damaged by Southern Swine’s latest move is long suffering in-state rival Utah State. The Aggies formed an alliance with the BYU to assist them with their football independence and move all other sports to the WAC. The MWC made a preemptive strike and invited USU to join the MWC. The Aggies honored their agreement with BYU and the WAC and as a result are now faced with wandering in the wilderness yet again due to the latest in a long string of “ef” overs by their southern “neighbors” dating back to the early 1960's.

USU stuck their neck out for BYU and as a reward, it was chopped off! It's clear BYU is interested in only one thing -- themselves. They don’t care how much carnage they leave in their wake.

Finally, a word of advice for the West Coast Conference, Watch your back!

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 August 29, 2010        opinion

Speaking of the Honor Code...

It is forced compliance on steroids! Not only are ADULT students required to adhere to LDS church standards, which is somewhat understandable, but they are deluged with all sorts of other insane requirements. Students are not trusted with the most basic of decisions like where to live, how often to shave, what to wear, how to wear their hair, who to associate with, who can use your bathroom, what kind of jewelry you can wear, what kind of art you can hang on your wall, and other examples to numerous to mention. And let’s not forget about all of the toadies running around who consider it their sworn duty to rat you out for the slightest infraction. So much for free agency.

As one poster on the Aggie message board put it:  "BYU is like a 4-year-long church dance with 20,000 chaperones all waiting for you to forget to shave one morning so they can throw you out."

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 August 16, 2010

I found this gem on BYUsucks.net

I had the pleasure of attendeding the Utefans.net summer BBQ this past Saturday. It was a ball! Webmonkey and crew threw a great party. For those of you who missed it I encourage you to make it next year. I met a lot of great folks, great food, great raffle with lots of Ute gear along with some screw the Y shirts of course. There are pictures of the event here: www.utefans.net